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Rating: 4.1737 (107 reviews)

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This was my first read on Bowen Family Systems. I was pleasantly surprised at the value and relevance of the ideas. For example, that all intimate relationships produce some anxiety in the partners! We cope with that anxiety using behaviors which may cause excessive 'distancing' from our loved one.(Something of a push-pull going on here). Another simple idea is that keeping some type, any type, of connection (ie. avoiding a 'cut off') with members of our family of origin (brother, sister, parent, child) is vital to having good relationships with our chosen loved ones. I don't recall ever hearing that idea before. Unlike many psychological revelations, this one is fairly simple to assess in our own lives - just look at your family of origin and see what kind of relationships you have! Gilbert is realistic that big changes in ourselves are not likely, but even incremental small steps forward can have profound impact on our relationships. Gilbert is a very good writer, with occasional (rare?) understated humor, which makes the material easy to access for anyone interested enough to try. Highly recommended.

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Reviewed in the United States on March 8, 2008

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Carl K.

West Palm Beach, US

★★★★★ 4

Loaded with Information

Format: Paperback

Roberta Gilbert's overview of Murray Bowen's Family Systems Theory is a thorough introduction on how we build individuality through constant interaction. Although it takes a few chapters to understand the terminology ("anxiety", "differentiation", etc.), Gilbert pieces together the general concepts of Bowen's theory through analytical study and real world interpretation. The idea of triangulating and the importance of original family relationships stand out to me as the overwhelmingly important activities which many people don't think twice about. This isn't to discount other aspects of relationships- such as Overfunctioning/underfunctioning, conflict, distance, and cutoff- but these certainly stand out due to the attention Gilbert gives to them. The one point that I disagree with (although Bowen would say I am in denial) is the urge to put yourself on a different emotional in any and all connections. I understand the benefits to this, but the idea that I would detach and remain coolly above all interactions between those closest to me strikes me as depressing. I feel differentiation and togetherness (which he calls "fusion") do not have to be mutually exclusive. This critique is grounded in pure opinion. My critique from an analytical perspective centers on her ignorance, which could even be called contempt, of love in a relationship. Her rudimentary overview of love in relationships places it neatly in a box next to cutoff, triangulating, and other day-to-day activities. I don't see myself as a hopeless romantic, but the unique attributes of love is noted near unanimously. Viktor Frankl, a noted psychologist himself, wrote about it in his excellent book "Man's Search for Meaning". Nevertheless, I recommend Extraordinary Relationships for those who really want to dig into ways of improving themselves and the relationships around them. Although the concepts might be a little narrow, the general Bowen Family Theory idea should not be ignored.

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Reviewed in the United States on October 1, 2012

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Rachel Adams

Los Angeles, US

★★★★★ 5

It was easy to read

Format: Paperback

This book is written so I can refer back to it from time to time. It was easy to read, not a lot of jargon. I am really enjoying reading this book, Extraordinary Relationships: A New Way of Thinking About Human Interactions by Roberta M. Gilbert, M.D. It kept my interest. It is only 168 pages, plus a few more pages that has reading notes, epilogue, a glossary, and of course the index. The book about developing yourself so that you can further develop your relationships. kudo to the author and her mentor.

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Reviewed in the United States on August 12, 2014

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mysticelder

Houston, US

★★★★★ 5

Gilbert conveys the principles of BFST in easily understood and engaging ways

Format: Paperback

Roberta Gilbert ' s book is simply transformative. Be forewarned, if you seriously apply Gilbert's principles from Bowen family systems theory your life will never be the same. Gilbert conveys the principles of BFST in easily understood and engaging ways. Your life and your relationships with others will become extraordinary as you become more emotional mature in your interactions with others. In short, an extraordinary book!

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Reviewed in the United States on January 5, 2015

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S Mancusi

Louisville, US

★★★★★ 3

A bit repetitive

Format: Paperback

The Family Systems approach makes a great deal of sense and is very helpful. But this book seems to be somewhat formulaic - every case looks the same.

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Reviewed in the United States on September 13, 2013